GRUDGE MATCH II: Ghost Ride the Grudge Match

Old college threads.
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BuzzerZen
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GRUDGE MATCH II: Ghost Ride the Grudge Match

Post by BuzzerZen »

"I DONT SPEAK FOR NAQT"

vs.

"CLEAN, ARTICULATE, AND A NICE GUY"
Evan Silberman
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Post by Deviant Insider »

"I DONT SPEAK FOR NAQT" wins, since anything coming out of the Joe Biden for President Campaign is a waste of time and energy.

NHL

vs.

NASCAR
David Reinstein
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Post by DumbJaques »

NHL

vs.

NASCAR
World's Strongest Man in a shutout, as several people named Magnusson beat wayne gretzky with the pace car.

Next:
Blimps that run on Aether
VS.
Russian Rivers that run on the primordial rage of Jerry Vinokurov
Last edited by DumbJaques on Tue Feb 13, 2007 2:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Rothlover »

DumbJaques wrote:
NHL

vs.

NASCAR
World's Strongest Man in a shutout, as several people named Magnusson beat wayne gretzky with the pace car.

Next:
Blimps that run on Aether
VS.
Russian Rivers that run on the primordial rage of Jerry Vinokurovs

The rivers, since Jerry's rage is insanely powerful (his rage is actually several cylinders in most car engines).

Next matchup is a tag team falls count anywhere affair

Dead Baby Jokes/ Holocaust rape jokes v. Rebecca Golden/Alma Molina

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Post by BuzzerZen »

PLEASE USE CORRECT MATCHUP FORMAT IN FUTURE.
Evan Silberman
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Post by Mr. Kwalter »

Rothlover wrote:Next matchup is a tag team falls count anywhere affair

Dead Baby Jokes/ Holocaust rape jokes v. Rebecca Golden/Alma Molina
Golden/Molina no question, as Golden would call the Holocaust and threaten to shut it down if the rape jokes didn't stop.

Next Matchup:

PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINKING IT WOULD BE OKAY TO GIVE 3 SOUTHWEST TEAMS D2 BIDS

vs.

HEDGE FUNDS HIRING QUIZBOWLERS BASED ON ACF NATIONALS PPG

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Post by Rothlover »

Kit Cloudkicker wrote:
Rothlover wrote:Next matchup is a tag team falls count anywhere affair

Dead Baby Jokes/ Holocaust rape jokes v. Rebecca Golden/Alma Molina
Golden/Molina no question, as Golden would call the Holocaust and threaten to shut it down if the rape jokes didn't stop.

Next Matchup:

PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINKING IT WOULD BE OKAY TO GIVE 3 SOUTHWEST TEAMS D2 BIDS

vs.

HEDGE FUNDS HIRING QUIZBOWLERS BASED ON ACF NATIONALS PPG
The Hedgefunders short massive quantities of Jason Loy futures, thereby allowing them to buy an Escalade housing Israel Broke My Arm, which Andrew Yaphe will pull 10 feet forward any time Oklahoma tries to get in. Leo Wolpert will drunkenly pour stuff on the Southwest giving Jerry time to whip softballs at them. Its not even a matchup, its Jewvenge for Leo Frank, motherfuckas.

Next Matchup

Saint Bernard Passes

v.

Those stupid wheeled shoes that were inexplicably a SCT tu
[ETC: Heelies]

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Post by pray for elves »

The liquor carried by the St. Bernards in the pass intoxicates the wearer of the shoes so he crashes.

It's the NBA Draft 3-way special!

Greg Oden

vs.

Joakim Noah

vs.

Kevin Durant

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Post by Matt Weiner »

DeisEvan wrote:It's the NBA Draft 3-way special!

Greg Oden

vs.

Joakim Noah

vs.

Kevin Durant
Dick Vitale's constant adulation for Durant and the barrage of unoriginal people rushing to point out that Greg Oden looks old grapple with each other in a world-rendering stalemate of sports blowhardism, enabling Noah to sneak by.

PRICE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MACS AND PCS

v.

PERFORMANCE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MACS AND PCS
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Post by BuzzerZen »

Matt Weiner wrote: PRICE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MACS AND PCS

v.

PERFORMANCE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MACS AND PCS
Steve Jobs weighs his options and releases a Mac that costs infinity dollars. Michael Dell tries to start charging infinity plus one dollars, but someone points out he can't do that. Performance differences are negligible, so price wins by a knockout.

Next matchup:

BONUSES

vs.

bonuses
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Post by pray for elves »

The people who say "bone-ee" get in a fight with those who say "bone-eye", causing bonuses to be able to come in and destroy them.

Since I'm watching the end of Tennessee vs. Kentucky...

BRUCE PEARL'S ORANGE BLAZER

v.

OREGON'S DAY-GLO YELLOW UNIFORMS

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Post by dtaylor4 »

Illinois fans rush from Brian Carlwell's bedside to beat the shit out of Bruce Pearl for stealing Bruce Weber's blazer.

Next Matchup:

NBA ALL-STAR GAME

v.

NBA SLAM DUNK CONTEST

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Post by dschafer »

The NHL ALL-STAR GAME is the surprise winner, with the winning goal from Alex Ovechkin (shorthanded, 19:03 in the 3rd).

Next matchup:

VALENTINE'S DAY CANDY HEARTS

vs.

HALLOWEEN CANDY CORN

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Post by BuzzerZen »

Candy hearts overpower candy corn with their nauseating terrible flavor.

next matchup:

IRRELEVANT SPORTS ANALOGIES

vs.

WEIRD SALSA DANCING ANALOGIES FROM DR. CHUCK
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Post by pray for elves »

Dr. Chuck's analogies come like a hanging curve right down the middle and are smacked out of the park by irrelevant sports analogies. Boo-yah! Just like a two-foot putt, or an empty net. That's levitation, homes.

TOSSUPS WITH SUPERNEGS

v.

BONUSES WITH BOUNCEBACK

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Post by Tegan »

DeisEvan wrote:
TOSSUPS WITH SUPERNEGS
v.
BONUSES WITH BOUNCEBACK
I've never heard of supernegs, so my frush beats that. Bonuses with bouncebacks help keep one (wo)man wrecking crews a little more honest.

SAMSONITE
vs.
PITTSBURGH STEELERS

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Post by cvdwightw »

Tegan wrote:SAMSONITE
vs.
PITTSBURGH STEELERS
The Steel Curtain holds the luggage to -25 yards rushing and new air travel restrictions hinder the passing game. Steelers, 37-0.

Next:
TOSSUPS PLAGIARIZED FROM WIKIPEDIA
vs
VARIABLE-VALUE BONUSES

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Post by Matt Weiner »

cvdwightw wrote:Next:
TOSSUPS PLAGIARIZED FROM WIKIPEDIA
vs
VARIABLE-VALUE BONUSES
Variable value bonuses are just sad, but Wikipedia plagiarism allows us to learn that "some people believe the Treaty of Campoformio was signed at least a hundred years ago and appears in the following TOMMIE EATS FARTZORS episodes of Family Guy." Amusing terrible questions > boring terrible questions.

"YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME"

vs.

"IT'S DIVISION I FOOTBALL"
Last edited by Matt Weiner on Thu Feb 15, 2007 11:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by First Chairman »

Herm Edwards quote is classic and inclusive of a lot of sports (including qb). Dan Hawkins will... eventually (I prefer, "Go play intramurals, brother" as the classic quote). But it takes more balls to respond in ridiculous fashion to the media for asking stupid questions than to answer an anonymous letter from a parent.

ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S BABY
vs.
TOM-KAT'S BABY
Last edited by First Chairman on Thu Feb 15, 2007 11:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by theMoMA »

E.T. Chuck wrote: ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S BABY
vs.
TOM-KAT'S BABY
scientology vs. anything is a clear win for anything.

TOSSUPS ON SUDOKU

vs.

TOSSUPS ON JUMPING THE SHARK

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Post by dtaylor4 »

theMoMA wrote: scientology vs. anything is a clear win for anything.

TOSSUPS ON SUDOKU

vs.

TOSSUPS ON JUMPING THE SHARK
The shark tears the paper to pieces, but afterwards he is taken out by a kick to the shins.

Next fight on the card:
TJ 2005

vs.

GROUP OF RANDOM IMMIGRANTS

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Post by DumbJaques »

It turns out this is over an application to the University of Michigan law school, for which four white, upper class males have no chance. Immigrants all the way.

Next, it's another tag-team event:

"ET CHUCK'S CAT/ANDREW YAPHE'S CAT"

VS.

"AN UNVACCINATED JONATHAN THOMPSON AT THIS YEAR'S ICT"

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Post by Captain Sinico »

Nothing can defeat Wallace. Ever. Conversely, JT never wins. This one is easy.

ROUND 21:

"GOOD"

VS.

"BAD"

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Post by BuzzerZen »

To say that "good" is better than "bad" is to imply that there are objective aesthetic standards that can be applied to things. Consequently, "bad" is similarly unable to overcome "good." Everyone gets discouraged and writes angry postmodern screeds against capitalism.

Next matchup:

A HINDENBURG TRANSFORMER

vs.

A TITANIC TRANSFORMER
Evan Silberman
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Post by brownboy79 »

BuzzerZen wrote:
Next matchup:

A HINDENBURG TRANSFORMER

vs.

A TITANIC TRANSFORMER
The Hindenburg Transformer blows up, leading to fire, melting the infamous iceberg. Titanic Transformer throws down on any remains.

Next Matchup:

OWEN MEANY

vs.

PANIC! AT THE DISCO

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Post by dtaylor4 »

brownboy79 wrote: OWEN MEANY

vs.

PANIC! AT THE DISCO
Franz Ferdinand comes in and bashes their heads together, but subsequently gets its ass kicked by Anti-Franz.

Next Matchup:

J. J. REDICK

V

AN ACTUAL CONDOR

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Post by theMoMA »

J. J. REDICK

V

AN ACTUAL CONDOR
The condor has a 9.5 foot wingspan. Who do you think wins this? (hint)

Next matchup:

Missouri

v.

Misery

Edit: POST 69!

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Post by Zip Zap Rap Pants »

theMoMA wrote:
J. J. REDICK

V

AN ACTUAL CONDOR
The condor has a 9.5 foot wingspan. Who do you think wins this? (hint)

Next matchup:

Missouri

v.

Misery

Edit: POST 69!
First off Carlos Delfino is badass, secondly...

Missourah comes in to team up with Missouri, and the tag team is able to take our Misery with the awe-inspiring St. Louis arch (from Missouri) and the carefree tales by Mark Twain, along with a hearty glass of lemonade (both from Missourah).

Next:

69

v.

420

and/or

23 (like in the movie)

v.

666
Matt Morrison, William & Mary '10, Tour Guide &c., MA in History '12?

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Post by Frater Taciturnus »

Michael Jordan beats the cast of "The Omen" to death.

NEXT:

Batman

vs.

Spiderman
George Berry
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--------------
J. Sargeant Reynolds CC 2008, 2009, 2014
Virginia Commonwealth 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013,
Douglas Freeman 2005, 2006, 2007

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Post by dtaylor4 »

dsfcaptains2005 wrote: Batman

vs.

Spiderman
Lee Henry comes in with a stash of kryptonite, and from there it's easy pickings for Batman.

NEXT:

GAME 7, WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS IN THE FUTURE

DALLAS MAVERICKS (LED BY DIRK NOWITZKI)

V

HOUSTON ROCKETS (LED BY TRACY MCGRADY)

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Post by quizbowllee »

DaGeneral wrote:
dsfcaptains2005 wrote: Batman

vs.

Spiderman
Lee Henry comes in with a stash of kryptonite, and from there it's easy pickings for Batman.
Kryptonite would be pretty useless against Spiderman, dude...

But Batman would still win. He'd bring a big bottle of bug spray. And a big-ass fly-swatter attachment to the Batmobile.

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Post by Frater Taciturnus »

DaGeneral wrote:
NEXT:

GAME 7, WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS IN THE FUTURE

DALLAS MAVERICKS (LED BY DIRK NOWITZKI)

V

HOUSTON ROCKETS (LED BY TRACY MCGRADY)
Rockets soar as Dirk and the Mavs are shut down in the first round (again.)


NEXT:

:chip: questions

vs.

CBI's HS "questions"[/url]
George Berry
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J. Sargeant Reynolds CC 2008, 2009, 2014
Virginia Commonwealth 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013,
Douglas Freeman 2005, 2006, 2007

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Post by grapesmoker »

dsfcaptains2005 wrote:
DaGeneral wrote: Rockets soar
I have some news for you...
Jerry Vinokurov
ex-LJHS, ex-Berkeley, ex-Brown, sorta-ex-CMU
code ape, loud voice, general nuissance

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Post by ecks »

dsfcaptains2005 wrote:NEXT:

:chip: questions

vs.

CBI's HS "questions"
CBI is relegated to a single thread, whereas :chip: pops up unexpectedly everywhere, enabling his questions to engage in a devastating guerrilla war. Also, the HS questions bear a striking resemblance to their college questions, begging the question if those at CBI will ever do original work.

NEXT:

"CONSTRUCTIVE" CRITICISM

vs.

HILARIOUS TRAINWRECKS (the message board kind)
Christopher Stone
Truman State University '09

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Post by Frater Taciturnus »

ecks wrote:
NEXT:

"CONSTRUCTIVE" CRITICISM

vs.

HILARIOUS TRAINWRECKS (the message board kind)
Constructive criticism suggests that the trainwrecks try to stick to topics and hand, which leads into free speech debate, eventually leading to a flame war. Trainwrecks win again.

NEXT:

Facebook

vs.

Myspace
George Berry
[email protected]
--------------
J. Sargeant Reynolds CC 2008, 2009, 2014
Virginia Commonwealth 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013,
Douglas Freeman 2005, 2006, 2007

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Post by mlaird »

dsfcaptains2005 wrote:NEXT:

Facebook

vs.

Myspace
Unfortunately, Facebook catches something from MySpace while "social networking". Everyone is a loser. Especially emokids.

NEXT:

INTERNET MEMES

vs.

AHAN JR.

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Post by rchschem »

mlaird wrote: NEXT:

INTERNET MEMES

vs.

AHAN JR.
All your AHAN are belong to us. Not just JR.

NEXT: Jared wants to know...

SUBWAY

vs.

PORN

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Post by No Sollositing On Premise »

rchschem wrote:NEXT: Jared wants to know...

SUBWAY

vs.

PORN
Subway may be delicious, satisfying, and convenient, but if one is concentrating on porn, then subway isn't on one's mind. The vice-versa of that statement is not necessarily true. Victory to porn.

JASON MUELLER'S EGO

vs.

THE SUN
Mike Sollosi, University of Virginia

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Post by ecks »

laszlow wrote: JASON MUELLER'S EGO

vs.

THE SUN
The sun will eventually explode AND cannot sustain itself when there is nothing there worth sustaining. Jason's ego wins.

NEXT:

Clogging the intertubes

vs.

Fluffy kittens
Christopher Stone
Truman State University '09

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Post by dxdtdemon »

Clogging the intertubes wins because "intertube" is a weird but cool word.

NEXT:

BEAUTY AND THE GEEK

vs.

A REALITY SHOW WHERE THE UF QUIZBOWL TEAM LIVES IN A HOUSE TOGETHER AND VOTES EACH OTHER OUT

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Post by First Chairman »

There are more hot girls on Beauty and the Geek than there are hot guys in the UF QB reality show. So I've been told. No disrespecting the Gainesville real estate either, but the MTV Mansion beats the UF frat house.

MOON PIES

vs.

RC COLA

The consumable items, not the tournaments please.
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Post by BuzzerZen »

E.T. Chuck wrote: MOON PIES

vs.

RC COLA

The consumable items, not the tournaments please.
RC Cola was available from the vending machines at the 4-H center were my synagogue's retreats were held for many years. I can't say I've ever had a Moon Pie. RC Cola wins.

Next matchup:

"LIFE IS SHORT: GET A DIVORCE"

vs.

"LIFE TAKES VISA"
Evan Silberman
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Post by Mike Bentley »

BuzzerZen wrote:
E.T. Chuck wrote: MOON PIES

vs.

RC COLA

The consumable items, not the tournaments please.
RC Cola was available from the vending machines at the 4-H center were my synagogue's retreats were held for many years. I can't say I've ever had a Moon Pie. RC Cola wins.

Next matchup:

"LIFE IS SHORT: GET A DIVORCE"

vs.

"LIFE TAKES VISA"
Jerry Seinfeld and his hilariously un-super friend Superman get too caught up commenting about how normal people don't get those torsos on the Get a Divorce billboard. Victory for divorce.

STINGRAY AWARD VOTER FRAUD

vs.

GEORGE BUSH ELECTION FRAUD (lololol quizbowl liberal bias)
Mike Bentley
VP of Editing, Partnership for Academic Competition Excellence
Adviser, Quizbowl Team at University of Washington
University of Maryland, Class of 2008

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Post by dxdtdemon »

Stingray award voter fraud since it actually exists.

Next:

That UF reality show idea I had earlier

vs.

A reality show where Mike Sorice, Seth Teitler and Jason Mueller have to live in the same house for six weeks

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Post by chune72 »

After hearing one more CBI question, Aaron snaps and kills us all---the show gets cancelled, so by default the other show wins.

Next:

DOUG ROBESON

vs.

A GRIZZLY BEAR

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Post by Rothlover »

chune72 wrote:After hearing one more CBI question, Aaron snaps and kills us all---the show gets cancelled, so by default the other show wins.

Next:

DOUG ROBESON

vs.

A GRIZZLY BEAR
After bleaching the bear's head blonde, teaching it to score 15 ppg at moon pie, posing it in a bikini made of bath bubbles and singing "Lady in Red" to it, McDoug finds himself with a prolapsed colon and a shitload of putrid ursine cum.

Next battle:

Bruce Arthur

vs.

200mph hardcore dessicated winfield scott cock

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Post by Sen. Estes Kefauver (D-TN) »

Definitely the cock.

NEXT:
Brandeis is fucking racist

vs.

CBI
Charlie Dees, North Kansas City HS '08
"I won't say more because I know some of you parse everything I say." - Jeremy Gibbs

"At one TJ tournament the neg prize was the Hampshire College ultimate frisbee team (nude) calender featuring one Evan Silberman. In retrospect that could have been a disaster." - Harry White

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Post by The Time Keeper »

charlieDfromNKC wrote:Definitely the cock.

NEXT:
Brandeis is fucking racist

vs.

CBI
Since CBI can never win anything, I have to go with Brandeis. Although you would think a school with so many Jews would have been able to come up with something funnier than that comic strip or whatever it was.

NEXT:

How goddamn autistic Jason Mueller is

vs.

How goddamn suave Paul Litvak is

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Post by Frater Taciturnus »

Dolemite wrote:
charlieDfromNKC wrote:Definitely the cock.

NEXT:
Brandeis is fucking racist

vs.

CBI
Since CBI can never win anything, I have to go with Brandeis. Although you would think a school with so many Jews would have been able to come up with something funnier than that comic strip or whatever it was.

NEXT:

How goddamn autistic Jason Mueller is

vs.

How goddamn suave Paul Litvak is
Since Jason can only win at CBI, and CBI can't win anything, Litvak wins by default

ROUND CXLVIII:

well written, but obscure trash

vs.

batshit-insanely obscure academic crap
George Berry
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--------------
J. Sargeant Reynolds CC 2008, 2009, 2014
Virginia Commonwealth 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013,
Douglas Freeman 2005, 2006, 2007

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Post by millionwaves »

By volume, obscure academic crap defeats well-written trash.

NEXT:

Quizbowl-themed reality TV. (Sorice, Teitler, etc. in a house with cameras)

vs.

Quizbowl-themed murder mystery games. (Sorice, Teitler, etc. in a house with weapons)

EDITED: To avoid a repeat.
Trygve Meade
Illinois, ACF

Above the Star-Apple Kingdom

Locked