ACF Nationals Predictions

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ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Cheynem »

Here you go.

37. Hunter College: Alexander Nero takes off his mask and reveals himself to be…RED HERRING, who isn’t even at ACF Nationals, idiot!

36. Chicago D: According to the University of Chicago's website, "Michael Coates is launching a new project on the deep evolutionary origins of sharks, of which little is known." Much to everyone's dismay, that project involves increasing the brain capacity of Mako sharks in order to find a cure for Alzheimer's, and those sharks attack everyone at Columbia. Jerry Vinokurov insists that nature is dangerous, but it can't hold a candle to man, and is promptly eaten. The delays are shorter than NSC 2011.

35. Penn B: James Lasker had a choice: he could become the greatest science player ever...or he could not. He could not.

34. South Carolina: Eric Douglass grabs a mic before the tournament and introduces his newest South Carolina player: SYCHO SID! Sid negs a lot and has a shitty work rate. Dave Meltzer ranks it **.

33. Illinois B: Andrew Wang grows bored with the lack of teammates and names a tennis ball "Charles Martin." When Illinois B loses to MIT, Andrew blames Charles Martin and throws him off the Empire State Building, where it ironically hits the real Charles Martin.

32. Rutgers: In order to pay off Mike Rice's salary, Rutgers allows him to coach the quizbowl team. Rice throws a buzzer at Jonathan Magin after his team is negged for saying "The Bridge Over the River Kwai."

31. Princeton: This team is keeping its roster a secret...that's because its secret weapon is a Golden Retriever trained to play quizbowl. The dog has an impressive buzz on "Rough ER" and "Rough Riders" and "Rough Wooing," allowing Princeton to beat Harvard, but after that, the dog negs a lot.

30. Ottawa: Dennis Beeby is tragically gunned down by Peter McCuorqudale's towers on the border that machine-gun Ottawa dissidents as they attempt to play ACF Nationals. A grief stricken Jordan Palmer takes 30th place anyway.

29. Carleton: The best team in Minnesota mysteriously cannot finish higher than the other Minnesota team in attendance. It's all Jacob Hoerger's fault.

28. Chicago C: Kay Li has perfectly studied how to be a great fourth scorer. Unfortunately, so did everyone else. The team doesn't neg and is eminently smooth on bonuses but they also don't get a lot of tossups either.

27. Northwestern: Kevin Malis is mistaken for a small child and Dan Donohue as his abductor by the NYPD. Mayor Bloomberg holds a press conference announcing that children will be banned from New York City in order to protect them.

26. George Mason: Neeraj and Henry Gorman reunite before ACF Nationals and go on a drunken bender thinking about their high flying, high living days in high school. They are found in the lemur cage in the New York Zoo during round 6 of Nationals.

25. WUSTL: Charles Hang and Richard Yu uncomfortably act out the plot of the film All About Eve, as the two keep telling each other the wrong room for the next round in order to steal the other's PPG. Sam Haynes acts as George Sanders, drolly sending out icy bon mots through his Twitter machine.

24. VCU: The player known only as "Freshman" negs a lot, making Sean rather unhappy. In fact, he's rather distinctly un-jolly. You might call him Sean...FROWNEY. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

23. MIT: The team is about to win DII when a non DII player shows up and tries to play for the team. Stephen Eltinge swiftly decapitates him to end that threat.

22. Berkeley: Berkeley realizes five rounds too late that Sam Braunfeld is the only thing preventing them from winning DII. Tanay Kothari takes Sam to Central Park and tries to get him lost at lunch, but he unluckily returns during the playoffs AND HE ROLLED AROUND IN POOP TOO.

21. Dartmouth: Apparently Nick Jensen is not on this team, which backfires during the 4/0 dinosaurs round.

20. University of London: On his flight over, John Lawrence's airplane is hijacked by terrorists and explodes over the English Channel. In a magical transformation, John takes on the appearance of Roma Downey from Touched by an Angel.

19. Minnesota: Andrew Hart's continual visits to important NYC landmarks to take Instagram photos gets him reported by five different "see something, say something" doomsters, but he cannot be apprehended. He ends up inspiring Mothman like urban legends of the "Trophy Man" who appears before potentially disastrous events.

18. Stanford: At the hotel, Benji, James, and Nikhil play Truth or Dare and reveal they all hated each other in high school. Kyle Sutherlin then says "Bloody Mary" five times in front of his mirror and they all end up screaming and staying up too late.

17. Rice: Henry Gorman tries to find Thomas Pynchon to get him to write for his new online journal. Pynchon agrees and serializes his latest book, Mason and Dixon Go to Clucksters.

16. Columbia: In an effort to play both ACF Nationals and attend Wilderness Leader training, Aidan decides to use a convoluted scheme similar to the climax of Mrs. Doubtfire. Why this involves wearing a dress is questionable, but he runs back and forth from both until ultimately his Wilderness Leader superior and Michael Arnold discover his scheme. AIDDAAAANNNNNN!

15. Alabama: The Alabama Jam can't propel Alabama to a top ten finish. Nick Saban briefly mentions quizbowl in a press conference, but he meant a literal bowl where you put quizzes in.

14. Michigan State: Joe Nutter begins the day by blatantly drinking a large soda and saying SCREW THE MAN. Since this took place during a match being filmed and posted on YouTube, Mayor Bloomberg's security police notice it within seconds and raid the tournament. Joe is carted off in chains during another filmed match, which inspires New Yorkers aching to break free from their soda restricted chains. Thousands spontaneously gather that night outside Columbia to march on City Hall while holding Big Gulps.

13. Ohio State: Since Jarret Greene's only victory over Mike Cheyne at KABO was retconned away during the 52 miniseries, he considers beating Minnesota at this tournament to be close enough. The Official Handbook to the Quizbowl Universe, however, suggests it should not count.

12. NYU: NYU misses a tossup on John Cassavetes when Yogesh sits on it the entire time, thinking it is too hard for the tournament. This prevents them from making the top ten.

11. Alberta: Trevor Davis has changed since he's moved to Canada. He likes socialized medicine, wears a Tommy Douglas t-shirt, and keeps grumbling about that damn King-Byng affair. But he's still the same loveable T-Dog, and the team does well.

10. Harvard: Upon returning from ICT, the second place undergraduate trophy falls apart. Stephen Liu cries out "I KILLED IT!" and runs out of the room screaming. Graham Moyer says it isn't that bad a trophy after all and removes some decorations from David Liu's doghouse to spice it up. Harvard touchingly sings "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing" and that's what the true meaning of Christmas is about, Stephen Liu.

9. Chicago A: Some FIEND puts Chicago A in the same bracket as Ohio State again. Marshall calls daddy.

8. Chicago B: "Doing the Daichi" takes quizbowl and the Internet community by storm after this tournament.

7. Maryland: Christopher Ray, the King of the Buffet, loses a tight game to Penn after his attempt to convince the moderator that Degas should have been accepted for Monet. Wandering by, Columbia Professor Sylvia Nasar opines that the man with the red hair is "peculiar."

6. Georgia Tech: Realizing that Will Butler has trained Matt Bollinger and now Adam Silverman, grad schools with rising quizbowl teams try to persuade him to join their teams while he is there. In a shocking display of mercenary greed, WIll abandons Georgia Tech mid tournament to reveal he has signed a $300,000 per week contract with Columbia to turn Aidan into the next Great White Hope.

5. Illinois A: Ike should of

4. Yale: Matt Jackson was neither a murder suspect, nor a target for an international spy organization. But he drove a car down the Jersey Turnpike at 80 mph….

A police officer pulled him over and asked for his driver’s license. He said Matt was going 20 mph over the speed limit. Matt instantly pointed to Ashvin and said “I’m in a hurry, my wife is in labor.”

“Oh, since it’s an emergency. I’ll lead you to the hospital with my police car,” the cop said.

“No, it’s not necessary.”

“Why not?” asked the officer.

“Uh… well…”

“Let’s get going,” said the officer…

“No, no! We can’t! This baby is a demon child!”

3. Penn: CHOOSE YOUR OWN REASON WHY PENN FINISHES THIRD
a. Patrick Liao says "Finnegan Reagan" instead of Ronald Reagan
b. Saajid being Saajid
c. Eric is disqualified for failing to attend the opening ACF Nationals meeting

2. Michigan: Before each game, Kurtis tells everyone to buzz in when they know the answer. The interesting strategy pays off as the team romps to victory. Libo pronounces their old strategy of buzzing in only sometimes "sheer noobery."

1. UVA: They win. Daniel Hothem has the game winning buzz on "Roman transgendered people." Matt Bollinger sighs.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Auks Ran Ova »

Cheynem wrote:4. Yale: Matt Jackson was neither a murder suspect, nor a target for an international spy organization. But he drove a car down the Jersey Turnpike at 80 mph….

A police officer pulled him over and asked for his driver’s license. He said Matt was going 20 mph over the speed limit. Matt instantly pointed to Ashvin and said “I’m in a hurry, my wife is in labor.”

“Oh, since it’s an emergency. I’ll lead you to the hospital with my police car,” the cop said.

“No, it’s not necessary.”

“Why not?” asked the officer.

“Uh… well…”

“Let’s get going,” said the officer…

“No, no! We can’t! This baby is a demon child!”
You cannot grasp the true form of Yale's attack!
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by The Ununtiable Twine »

Here are mine.

36. Hunter College. In honor of the great Bradley Kirksey teams, this team goes indefeated.

35. Rutgers. Mike Rice shows up to ACF Nationals, challenges Aaron Kashtan (who somehow appears out of thin air) to a fight, cries, leaves.

34. Chicago D. D stands for defense, and this team's defense is sure to improve as the tournament progresses to the later rounds. They defeat James Lasker, comically.

33. Penn B. Whether or not James Lasker can be written as an intersection of primary ideals remains to be seen, however he somehow 10s a math bonus where Noether-Lasker is the hard part, but cannot produce an easy part of "rings." Everyone in the tournament sighs simultaneously.

32. Illinois B. I like shiny silver coins.

31. South Carolina. I do not expect a ride back to the airport from Eric Douglass after predicting this...

30. Princeton. In a surprise to them, my best friend, who happens to be a PhD candidate at Princeton, shows up to ACF NYC to help Princeton with chemistry tossups. After he finally learned to stop trying to give fancy IUPAC names for every compound, he suddenly becomes the best chemistry player in the history of quizbowl and smirks gleefully at Mukherjee, citing his connection to Boston as the reason for his dominance.

29. George Mason. Jim Larranaga calls the team from South Beach to wish them the best of luck. This inspires them to beat Ohio State, but then they get wasted after the match and beat no one else for a long time.

28. Carleton. Fisked.

27. Chicago C. Kay Li deems refers to himself as "Prime Time" throughout the tournament, to which he tries his hardest to get his team to finish with a prime number ranking as their result. He becomes incensed when George Mason tries to outneg him to keep him out of 29th position and finishes with 11 negs in the match. However, Ben Gammage punches him and reminds him that you play to win the game. In protest, Kay becomes an honorary member of the George Mason team to ensure that he finishes 29th.

26. Ottawa. Drew Scheeler, wishing for years on end to be a Canadian, shows up and joins this team. He then believes that he is my favorite Canadian. He is not. We apologize to Jordan Palmer for every good play we make in the match and we defeat Ottawa 455-30.

25. VCU. Miraculously, the freshman outscores Cody Voight. Probably not, but I bet you $20 that it happens...nah we'll hold off on the betting.

24. WUSTL. My beloved Milwaukee Bucks will not win a single game against the Heat. I will not cry.

23. Dartmouth. This team will have a very respectable finish, unlike the Charlotte Bobcats.

22. London. The first British team to play overseas in a while. John Lawrence finds a mask that looks eerily similar to Marshall Steinbaum's avatar and wears it to the tournament. Matt Jackson sees John walking down the hall and tells the person he once thought to be Steinbaum hello. He is then very confused.

21. Northwestern. They come out on fire trying to prove themselves to the community after being left out of ICT. Michael Wilbon comes out on Over/Under (no, this is not a prediction that Michael Wilbon will come out of the closet after Ayanbadejo leads the Flaming Quartet to reveal themselves) and claims that Northwestern will win EIGHT games, which is the over. Tony Kornheiser mocks him for saying that and leaves the set to have a cup of tea with Miss Cleo who predicts the same thing for a low low cost of $2.99 per minute.

20. Minnesota. Andrew Hart modifies Fleetwood Mac's song "The Chain" to commemorate his time spent with Mike Cheyne as his teammate. He sings "Cheyne, keep us together" and consequently runs in the shadows. Rob Carson shows up and offers him pizza.

19. Berkeley. Tanay Kothari gets in the "turrible" habit of having the moderator use the Irish pronunciation of Berkeley. Several awful Charles Barkley jokes are told and they lose hope halfway through the tournament solely because of this.

18. MIT. I'm wondering what I should wear as my ACF Nationals attire. My attempts to wear shorts just show how awful my shorts are compared to Carson's. Should I wear my Ray Allen autographed jersey? That would certainly trump all.

17. Rice. Unfortunately last year we did not get to see Rice/Auroni as Rice did not attend ICT and Auroni did not play ACF Nationals. This was a sad occurrence. This year, we did get to see Ray/Rice, however I was not anywhere around. Rice has a highly respectable 17th place finish, nevertheless.

16. Stanford. Coming off a great performance at ICT, this team continues to play well, however they are distracted by numerous John Elway posters that were printed out to distract Benji Nguyen from playing his best. Come to find out, Susan Ferrari printed them out solely for this purpose.

15. Alberta. This team is undefeated until Sinan Ulusoy runs into an impenetrable wall of ACF Nationals level math questions. He cries. Trevor Davis consoles him but is unable to penetrate the wall either. Oh well.

14. Ohio State. They won back-to-back titles before Urban Meyer did, that's for sure. And they sure the hell will win three before he wins two, or even one. Gee.

13. Michigan State. Riding the confidence from that win against Alabama at ICT, this team wins a ton of games, then magically becomes sad when Alabama pulverizes them to avenge the loss. Joe Nutter quits the tournament to watch episodes of My Little Pony and Shan Kothari listens to Sundberg and Brown lecture on potential new canon material. He is impressed.

T11. Harvard.
T11. NYU. This is the only way it can be. They are forever tied together through Watk...

10. Chicago B. You know, I really need to do well on my numerical linear algebra test tomorrow. I should be getting some sleep sometime soon.

9. Maryland. Nein, Maryland. Nein.

8. Yale. Matt Jackson begins to weep as the Archdemon Emeritus abducts the demon child that was meant to deliver him a fifth national title in three years. It is truly sad times, as he loved the child as Susannah loved her demon child in The Dark Tower.

7. Chicago A.

6. Michigan. Sadly, Michigan loses a lot of close games. Five consecutive five-pointers. It is truly sad as they would have had an advantage in the final had they won them.

5. Illinois A. Ike Jose convinces Jake Sundberg to become a video game designer. It works. Dominance occurs.

4. UVA. Daniel Hothem forgets his general relativity, which causes Jerry to re-explain everything to him. UVA does not show up to their last three rounds.

3. Penn. Because they can only finish here. Patrick Liao leads this team in scoring in the playoffs - what a pleasant surprise.

2. Georgia Tech. Will Butler and Adam Silverman make a heroic run to the finals, where they await their opponent. Alex Covington spends the break between the last playoff round and the finals memorizing plots of Edwidge Danticat novels, but it is to no avail. Matt Weiner did not write any literature questions for the final round.

1. Alabama. Of course, but how else could this possibly end? Will Butler's prophecy that Alabama will defeat Georgia Tech yet again at a national competition proves to be true, only this time it costs him a national title. Matt Weiner dies of laughter.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by AKKOLADE »

Cheynem wrote:34. South Carolina: Eric Douglass grabs a mic before the tournament and introduces his newest South Carolina player: SYCHO SID! Sid negs a lot and has a shitty work rate. Dave Meltzer ranks it **.
These rankings are ridiculous.

There's no way Sid would be in a match over one star at this point in his career and without Shawn Michaels to carry him.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Ethnic history of the Vilnius region »

The Ununtiable Twine wrote:

31. South Carolina. I do not expect a ride back to the airport from Eric Douglass after predicting this...
31?!!! THIRTY ONE!?!?! Jake, if we finish 31, I'll PAY for your flight back to Tuscaloosa.
Grams's Go-Go Boots wrote:
Cheynem wrote:34. South Carolina: Eric Douglass grabs a mic before the tournament and introduces his newest South Carolina player: SYCHO SID! Sid negs a lot and has a shitty work rate. Dave Meltzer ranks it **.
These rankings are ridiculous.

There's no way Sid would be in a match over one star at this point in his career and without Shawn Michaels to carry him.
Hahahaha. Good thing Sid is only reading at this tournament. No, South Carolina's newest player will be a secret weapon. A "funky" weapon if you will, because he is none other than Ryusuke Taguchi! And he negs a lot and isn't good at American history questions.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by The Ununtiable Twine »

Ethnic history of the Vilnius region wrote:
The Ununtiable Twine wrote:

31. South Carolina. I do not expect a ride back to the airport from Eric Douglass after predicting this...
31?!!! THIRTY ONE!?!?! Jake, if we finish 31, I'll PAY for your flight back to Tuscaloosa.
Not every team can afford David Seal. However, we can. We will give David Seal $2500 to join your team. He will show up with a tan, a fake mustache, a shaved head, and a Mike Cheyne Quadruple Crown T-Shirt. He will introduce himself to you as "Laes Divad" and will ask to join your team. Sadly, there is no trash at ACF Nationals, but this maneuver may allow you to finish 26th, so you take it.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Ethnic history of the Vilnius region »

Everybody's got a price, but Seal's is probably higher than $2500. Anyway, I wanted to make clear that I would be quite pleased if we finish as high as 31.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by The Ununtiable Twine »

Ethnic history of the Vilnius region wrote:Everybody's got a price, but Seal's is probably higher than $2500. Anyway, I wanted to make clear that I would be quite pleased if we finish as high as 31.
Fine, $5000. That's only if he makes me a quadruple crown T-shirt though.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Habitat_Against_Humanity »

Ethnic history of the Vilnius region wrote:Everybody's got a price, but Seal's is probably higher than $2500. Anyway, I wanted to make clear that I would be quite pleased if we finish as high as 31.
I'm willing to bet a Billy Joel box set might convince him and probably cost less (though any amount for a Billy Joel box set is overpriced).
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by nadph »

Cheynem wrote: 18. Stanford: At the hotel, Benji, James, and Nikhil play Truth or Dare and reveal they all hated each other in high school. Kyle Sutherlin then says "Bloody Mary" five times in front of his mirror and they all end up screaming and staying up too late.
While it is folly to question the judgements of Mike Cheyne, I am curious as to what inspired this evaluation. Does the Stanford team just give off a strong vibe of being ten years old?
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Cheynem »

I've never seen the Stanford team play, so, no.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by AKKOLADE »

nadph wrote:
Cheynem wrote: 18. Stanford: At the hotel, Benji, James, and Nikhil play Truth or Dare and reveal they all hated each other in high school. Kyle Sutherlin then says "Bloody Mary" five times in front of his mirror and they all end up screaming and staying up too late.
While it is folly to question the judgements of Mike Cheyne, I am curious as to what inspired this evaluation. Does the Stanford team just give off a strong vibe of being ten years old?
Probably jokes.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Skepticism and Animal Feed »

Ethnic history of the Vilnius region wrote:Everybody's got a price, but Seal's is probably higher than $2500. Anyway, I wanted to make clear that I would be quite pleased if we finish as high as 31.
This is a shocking amount of faith in David Seal
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Lightinfa »

my prediction-

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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Rufous-capped Thornbill »

Lightinfa wrote:my prediction-

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A+
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Nine-Tenths Ideas »

37. Rutgers team members wake up the day before ACF Nationals and all unanimously agree they would rather go back to sleep. They send an email at 3 AM informing Matt Weiner that they will not be coming.

36. Hunter College - Matt Jackson walks into his first round game against Hunter and, seeing a person playing alone that he has never seen before, loudly declares that this should be super easy and that they will beat this guy badly. Unfortunately, he is right.

35. Penn B - While this team wins very few games, David Xu angrily declares that they should be winning in many games.

34. South Carolina - Unlike me, South Carolina wanted to play ACF Nationals. They should be commended for this.

33. Chicago D - They lose a crucial game against Illinois B after someone begins playing Bach's Magnificat before the game starts, and everyone on the team begins weeping.

32. Illinois B - In the lamest quizbowl scandal ever, it is revealed 3 ppg player "Alan Pysnack" does not go to the University of Illinois. ACF strips Illinois B of its 4 wins.

31. Princeton - Princeton is the Princeton of ACF Nationals teams.

30. Chicago C - Which Chicago team is this one?

29. Ottawa - Beats Minnesota on the inexplicable "VETO Theme Packet" round.

28. George Mason - Zach Foster's only teammate at this tournament is a bucket with Neeraj's face painted on it. Playing solo is beginning to take its toll on Zach.

27. Carleton - Carsten Gehring isn't still on this team? Huh.

26. Northwestern - These guys are pretty cool.

25. WUSTL - Charles Hang is heartbroken to find out that he is not playing the division of ACF Nationals being held on ACF Fall.

24. MIT - MIT BLURB HERE

23. Dartmouth - Charles Jang turns out to be Charles Hang with a goatee.

22. Berkeley - I'm not going to pretend to know anything about how good this team is.

21. VCU - The team finishes better than expected when it is revealed that George Berry has legally changed his name to "freshman."

20. Columbia - Michael Arnold becomes very angry about his ranking in the "individual statistics" player poll.

19. Stanford - See entry on Berkeley

18. Alabama - Jake Sundberg has to be restrained when he walks into the finals and attempts to play for UVA, which he explains stands for "University of Very Alabama."

17. Rice- This team's early submission of a well-written packet for Terrapin really pays off.

16. Minnesota - Why is everyone ranking Minnesota so low? Did something happen to them? Are they okay?

15. Michigan State - Shan Kothari gets all of the literature!

14. NYU - They are somehow late to this tournament.

13. Ohio State - Does well but somehow loses to Wichita State.

12. Alberta - Sure.

11. Chicago B - No one is quite sure who will be on what team, but Chicago B really suffers when Chicago A puts all of Chicago B on Chicago A as well.

10. Harvard - No pithy blurb; Harvard has suffered enough.

9. Georgia Tech - The highlight of the tournament comes when Greg Peacock performs his elaborate mating dance.

8. Chicago A - This team has 8 people playing at once on it.

7. University of London - OH GOD JOHN LAWRENCE LEARNED SCIENCE RUN

6. Maryland - Upsets Yale after some guy named "Brian" gets three science tossups against them. Who is this "Brian" person?

5. Illinois - Ike brings back Mike Sorice, which means that he does not win a title.

4. Michigan - Mike Cheyne had a good one for this one.

3. Penn - Patrick Liao is awoken by Eric for a crucial history bonus against UVA. Patrick Liao realizes then and there that sleep is more important to him than quizbowl.

2. Yale - Can they do it again?

1. UVA - Oh.
Last edited by Nine-Tenths Ideas on Thu Apr 18, 2013 1:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Demonic Leftovers »

If you need to ask what it costs to have David Seal on your team you can't afford it.

Anyways I ran 10,000 simulations of ACF Nats on my super-secret quiz bowl simulator and got the following results.

In 7.8% of simulations Dallas Simons misses the playoffs because he is too busy making Annie and Britta from Community puppets so he can finally get them to make out.

In 14.5% of simulations the dream I had a few months back about the rooms being double booked with a Gender Studies convention turns out to be true.

In 23.3% of simulations all four Chicago teams suffer at least one pants malfunction.

In 27.2% of simulations Will Butler is revealed to be Azor Ahai reborn.

In 33.2% of simulations Henry Gorman has to wear a wig and a dress and call himself Henrietta to trick a band of greasers who have occupied one of the game rooms.

In 41.7% of simulations Ike Jose and I die when we go on a hunt for the Mapinguari from Lost during Sunday lunch.

In 49.9% of simulations Trevor Davis gets Paul Anka to perform the Canadian National Anthem at the opening ceremonies.

In 56.8% of simulations Lovie Smith wanders by during the last tu of the Harvard/University of London match, and throws a challenge flag on Graham's buzz on "The Theme of the Traitor and the Hero." Somehow this challenge results in the answer being overturned and London makes the top bracket as a result.

In 60.0% of simulations Rob Carson sits at home and tries to figure out what his name would be if he were actually a nobody from Kingdom Hearts 2.

In 65.7% of simulations Chris Ray gets a first-line buzz on Earl Butz based on something he heard while listening to the first ten minutes of a WTF podcast.

In 71.8% of simulations the Dartmouth team finally resolves the age-old debate of how black holes kill you. The answer is with kindness.

In 75.0% of simulations Northwestern can't pay for the tournament after they rack up over $98,000 in fines speedboating to the tournament.

In 83.8% of simulations Jonathan Magin is unmasked by the Stanford team and revealed to be Hot Dog Water.

In 90.7% of simulations Libo plays the tournament solo and constantly mutters to himself, "I think I forgot something but I can't remember what."

In 100% of simulations Columbia wins because my simulator makes home field advantage count for 99.9% of each outcome.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

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Notice I just threw money in your general direction.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Fond du lac operon »

37. Hunter College: Hunter's team claims that "it's an honor just to be recognized" and "we're here to have fun." They do, when a spontaneous Matt Weiner roast breaks out during round 7.

36. Rutgers: In a stunning coup, Rutgers hires Jonathan Magin as its new athletic director. He promptly fires the school's quizbowl coach for recruiting failures.

35. Chicago D: Hung over from celebrating their ACF Nationals championship (D team division), Chicago D loses all of their Saturday matches. They recoup Sunday, however, to claim a coveted top-35 finish.

34. Penn B: "Eric Mukherjee will be top scorer, and James Lasker's sons will be top scorers," the witches prophesied. Eric's pretty sure he's safe for now, though, since how is Central Park going to come to Columbia?

33. Princeton: The Princeton quizbowl team lobbies for the school to join the new Big East, so they don't have to face Harvard and Yale every year in the conference championship. It doesn't work.

32. South Carolina: Eric Douglass tears his MCL in a sideline collision with Chris Ray. The story is buried, however, when it's revealed Phong Nguyen had instituted bounties for his teammates to over-aggressively buzzer-fake, and Eric is suspended for the 2013-14 season.

31. Illinois B: Intriguing newbie "Marles Chartin" impresses with a first-line buzz on Sarbanes-Oxley, but it's not enough to propel Illinois B to a top-30 finish.

30. Carleton: I refuse to put a joke here, since I can't go to any of my old Carsten Gehring standards.

29. George Mason: Zach Foster is traumatized for life when he sees a man kill himself in Central Park during lunch, but he does get a pretty solid buzz on The Zoo Story that afternoon.

28. Ottawa: The team suffers when Jordan Palmer is arrested at the border on suspicion of being a Quebecois separatist terrorist. It was far too late by the time Bruce Arthur realized that the Entertainment was in Radu Popescu's possession the whole time.

27. Northwestern: Dan Donohue does the Harlem Shake, is summarily executed by the tournament organizers.'

26. WUSTL: In a blatant attempt to win another national title, Charles Hang announces his transfer to Greendale Community College. No one is fooled.

25. Chicago C: Chicago's storied quizbowl culture works its magic again, as the C team climbs to an impressive 25th place. Kay Li celebrates by drenching Sam Bailey with a 16-ounces-or-less container of Gatorade.

24. VCU: Cody Voight's cramming for the Fundamentals of Engineering exam nearly allows VCU to defeat Yale on Georgia Tech's packet, but their hopes are foiled when he negs a tossup on a Stanislaw Lem novel with Design Patterns.

23. Berkeley: Ankit and Tanay and Sam and Mason sit around the night before the tournament, drinking and discussing past relationships. Gordon Lish edits the night down to half its original length, and publishes it to critical acclaim.

22. Dartmouth: Nick Jensen consoles himself with the knowledge that all Dartmouth's losses were moral victories. In fact, Dartmouth had a perfect moral record and were the 2013 Moral ACF Nationals champions.

21. Columbia: Aidan recruits Columbia president Lee Bollinger to play for the team, hoping that quizbowl skill runs in the family. Unfortunately, Bollinger negs Gratz with Grutter and is too cowed to buzz again after the ensuing Marnold freakout.

20. London: John Lawrence dreams that he reads all the literature in the tournament on Friday night. Unfortunately, in his dream, all literature consists of the endlessly repeating word "Bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk."

19. Rice: Henry Gorman puts on a bad Kennedy accent and asks everyone he sees "Why does Rice play Texas?" No one knows how to get him to quit.

18. Stanford: Despite losing both Jim Harbaugh and Andrew Luck to the NFL, this team manages to defeat Oregon and crush the Ducks' hopes of a shot at the championship.

17. Alberta: Alberta cancels their plans to attend the tournament at the last minute. Somehow, they still finish 17th.

16. Minnesota: Rutgers taunts Minnesota during their match by talking like characters from Fargo. This causes Gaurav to shed a single tear.

15. Michigan State: Joe Nutter takes a Saturday night trip to Staten Island, or as he calls it, "Shaolin." Connor Teevens goes too, but he's paying homage to that one episode of Louie.

14. Chicago B: Daichi has a pretty middling tournament, but it's all worthwhile after Jake Sundberg explains the proof of the Atiyah-Singer index theorem to him.

13. MIT: Is Neil Gurram not playing this tournament or something? What gives?

12. Alabama: Our hopes for a top-10 finish are dashed when I mishear a clue on aldol condensation and buzz with MASTER HAROLD... and the boys. Alabama's streak of placing twelfth at national tournaments continues unabated.

11. NYU: Andy Watkins comes to cheer on "his" team on Sunday, and is torn apart by a rabid quizbowl mob. It's pretty cathartic.

10. Harvard: Harvard quizbowl is dealt another PR blow when it turns out Graham Moyer's been calling Stephen "David" and vice versa all season, and at this point it's just too embarrassing to correct him.

9. Ohio State: Jarret Greene spends the tournament in his private Mad Men fantasy, where he's a partner at the advertising firm Bucher Greene Komarek Lee. This doesn't stop him from scoring 37 ppg and sleeping with Linda Cardellini (in real life, not in his fantasy).

8. Chicago A: After a questionably-worded bonus part on Ricci flow, Marshall Steinbaum writes a deliberately bad bonus on Mochizuki's claimed proof of the abc conjecture to prove a point. The moderator is not impressed.

7. Maryland: Chris Ray is incensed by the fact that ACF Nationals is not the hardest event on the quizbowl calendar, and demands that the difficulty of Chicago Open be decreased to "somewhere around WIT."

7. Maryland: When the moderator announces tossup 20 in Maryland vs. Georgia Tech, Chris Ray interjects, stating that he's sure they've heard 20 tossups already. (I know I already did Maryland, but I really wanted to make fun of Regionals 2013).

6. Georgia Tech: Tech really regrets not bringing Greg Peacock during the Star Wars Expanded Universe theme packet.

5. Illinois: Aaron Rosenberg has the twelve-tone theme from Britten's Turn of the Screw stuck in his head all day. This works out quite well for him when Turn of the Screw is tossed up, and quite poorly the rest of the time.

4. Yale: Matt Jackson is eager to three-peat when he comes down with the flu a few days before the tournament. Unlike Michael Jordan, though, the flu just makes him sleepy and his teammates uneasy.

3. Michigan: Kurtis Droge's extensive Magic: the Gathering knowledge pays off when he first-lines a tossup on The Faerie Queene because of a quote in some flavor text. Will Nediger is impressed.

2. Penn: Patrick buzzes in with hilariously wrong answers, and Eric gets mad. Dallas Simons turns this dynamic into a highly successful funny-animal children's cartoon, Eric the Red.

1. UVA: David Seal, desperate for a quintuple crown, kidnaps Tommy Casalaspi the Wednesday before the tournament and offers to play in his place. This pays off, as David demonstrates some deep Jay-Z-derived Euthyphro knowledge in the final.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Auks Ran Ova »

Fond du lac operon wrote:7. Maryland: Chris Ray is incensed by the fact that ACF Nationals is not the hardest event on the quizbowl calendar, and demands that the difficulty of Chicago Open be decreased to "somewhere around WIT."
Makes sense--Chris Ray shines when it comes to things in the general vicinity of WIT.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Cheynem »

You guys playing WIT?
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by naan/steak-holding toll »

3. Michigan: Kurtis Droge's extensive Magic: the Gathering knowledge pays off when he first-lines a tossup on The Faerie Queene because of a quote in some flavor text. Will Nediger is impressed.
True story: I first-lined a tossup on Romance of the Three Kingdoms on a clue about the Dilu Horse because "Riding the Dilu Horse" is from the expansion Portal:Three Kingdoms. Not sure if I have ever been prouder in my quizbowl career.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by Nine-Tenths Ideas »

gamegeek2 wrote:True story: I first-lined a tossup on Romance of the Three Kingdoms on a clue about the Dilu Horse because "Riding the Dilu Horse" is from the expansion Portal:Three Kingdoms. Not sure if I have ever been prouder in my quizbowl career.
Sad fact: I immediately knew what card they were referring to. "Oh, it's that newer version of Boomerang."
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by ColinFCowherd »

Here's my take.

DISCLAIMER: All opinions here are that of Colin Cowherd, who is an idiot. Do not take any of this seriously.

37. Chicago D. Why are B, C, and D teams eligible for this tournament? Look, this is just the watering down of talent that has plagued the quizbowl game. You think about quizbowl, you think Yaphe, Subash, Teitler, you don't think B, C, or D teams. This is a waste of time for most teams and folks, it's all about dollars. ACF wants more teams because more commercial revenue, more ratings, more dollars, but what about the fans?

36. Chicago C. See above.

35. Penn B. See above.

34. Illinois B. Okay, Illinois at least has a tradition of good quizbowl, so who knows, maybe they can have a decent B team, but come on, people.

33. Chicago B. This is the best B team this year, which is like talking about the best women's basketball team. Seriously, would you really want to watch a B team? I'd rather watch the Women's Final Four again.

32. Hunter College. I admire this kid. He wants to play ACF Nationals solo, that's interesting, that's a Rudy story, that's a Rocky story. But remember Rocky I, the best Rocky movie? ROCKY LOST. HE LOST. Rocky didn't win, that comes in the sequels. ROCKY LOSES. And this guy is going to LOSE.

31. Ottawa. ACF should be the best American quizbowl team. I know quizbowl is trying to be more international, get audiences in different continents, but really, it just messes up the game. Canadians writing and answering questions on American literature? Look, in Canada they spell "check" as a "cheque"--how are they going to write questions on Hemingway? It's a slippery slope.

30. Carleton. Carleton is a school that doesn't allow grad students. That's admirable, but it's just not a viable strategy for winning. Look at all the teams that have won titles in recent years--grad students. The only team that won without grad students? It needed MASSIVE CHEATING in order to succeed. It's just not viable.

29. Rutgers. I just don't think Rutgers is a good quizbowl school environment. New Jersey. When you think New Jersey, you think weird Italians and french kissing and girls dressed like Cyndi Lauper meets Madonna's ugly sister. You don't think academics. I just don't see a very high finish here.

28. WUSTL. Charles Hang, this guy is a scorer. Thing is he scores in a little pond in his section of the Midwest. It's like if you put Kobe Bryant in the Pac-12 and had him run rings around Oregon State and Arizona State. Not very impressive. So he'll do some scoring here, but he's not going to go far.

27. George Mason. This Neeraj kid, he won in high school. That used to be more impressive before the dilution of the high school game. It's really a shame, as I think he was one of the top amateur kids, but again, this is how greed destroys a game meant for young athletes.

26. Princeton. Now, wait, Colin, this is an Ivy League team, shouldn't this be a top 20 team? On the other hand, I don't even know who plays for this team. Look, I can't be bothered to learn all these things. The NFL schedule comes out, preseason NFL, yeah, I'll stay up to 1 AM to study that stuff. But Princeton quizbowl matches? There's only so many hours in a day.

25. South Carolina. Eric Douglass, great coach, great coach. Had him on the program the other day, he's always good for a quote and a quip. But you really wonder if he's hit his limit at South Carolina. When was the last time you heard "Oh, that's a great Gamecock recruiting class?" I think some other team could use him, kind of like how Texas Tech hired Tubby. But a team with upside and tradition like USC...it might be time to think of a change.

24. Berkeley. I like this team, good young upside. But the west coast is really just a morass of quizbowl right now. You take the 9th best team in the MId-Atlantic and it would win every tournament on the west coast. Berkeley will improve by playing these tough teams, and I think next year, I see them as a top 15 team. But that's next year.

23. Dartmouth. Another Ivy League team that I'm going to say doesn't finish top 20. They didn't quite make the cut for ICT, which is kind of distressing when you consider that even Columbia made it in. So to me, this is a team that doesn't get things done when they need to get it done, so that means no top 20 finish.

22. Northwestern. It's a two person team, so I'm inclined to rank them lower, but it's a great school. Really great school. I was at a Northwestern quizbowl match a few years ago and the fans were really excited, and Kevin Malis, he's a great kid. I have this team at #22--two kids, #22, that's a joke. But it's kind of poetic, really.

21. MIT. I don't see Neil Gurram on the roster here. That's disappointing. I saw Neil Gurram play in high school, and really, he didn't get the hype but he was just as good as the top draft picks that year. And he plays at MIT--it's a big media town, but all of the media attention revolves around Harvard. So I was really hoping he would get some play as the top player that he is, but I still have this team winning DII. Now Colin, it's just DII, and yeah, the DII award means about as much as winning the Pro Bowl, but it's a nice accomplishment.

20. Stanford. Great young kids here. Really great. The recruiting class this year was just breathtaking. But doesn't it seem a little suspicious? We look at when guys like Calipari and Calhoun trot out these classes and nobody's surprised to see sanctions in a few years. I don't want to play Buzzkill McGee here and finishing top 20 with such a core of young kids is fantastic, but let's check back on these guys in a few more years.

19. VCU. Matt Weiner, undoubtedly one of the greatest coaches in the modern era. But for all of his brilliance, he hasn't gotten a ring as a player or as a coach. It's worth noting that his top prospect, Evan Adams, couldn't win until he hooked up with the UVA connection. I look at this VCU team, and it's not very remarkable, but they're very well coached. There's no blue chippers here, it's a blue collar team. That said, it just doesn't have the pedigree to hang with the top teams here.

18. Rice. I want to like Rice more. But Josh Hamilton had a point when he said Texas was a football state. Texas isn't a quizbowl state. I know the HS circuit is starting to change things a bit, although actually getting a title would be nice. But it's not a good college environment. Henry Gorman has had a fine career at Rice, but he's going to get a top bracket finish at Vanderbilt and look back at his time in Rice and think, "what could have been."

17. Alabama. You don't really associate the South with higher learning all that much, so this is kind of a stretch. But they impressed me at ICT and they actually seem to have mastered the first step of winning ACF Nationals, which is actually attending ACF Nationals. Good job, guys! It's called Expedia--glad to see you know how to use it.

16. Columbia. For a team with a blue chippy prospect like Aidan Mehigan and a crafty veteran like Michael Arnold, there's no way this team should have gotten into ICT through the backdoor. So I'm wondering if there's a talent friction issue going on here. I think this team will greatly benefit from the home field advantage. Nobody talks about that in quizbowl, but it's huge. Minnesota wins 2011 ICT close to home, struggles on the road. Maryland has one of its top performances at a Maryland hosted Nationals.

15. Michigan State. There are times when I wonder if Joe Nutter is just an intentional soundbite. Like, the kid is just Marshall Henderson-esque--talking trash about the cops during the Boston bombing stuff? That takes brass balls. You have to wonder if the coaching staff likes it. Me, I like it. It shows confidence, it shows what my Hispanic friends refer to as machismo, which is what you want from a guy with the buzzer.

14. Ohio State. Look, I'm a big man. I admit when I'm wrong. I didn't think Ohio State would amount to anything this year, I had them as not even making ICT. But they not only made it, they made top bracket at ICT. Came very close to knocking off more teams. Buckeye fans, stop busting my chops. You can quit calling in, saying "hey, Colin, why do you hate Ohio State?" I don't hate Ohio State. But when your team was a fringe top bracket team last year and you LOST players, that means you get WORSE. It's called logic.

13. Alberta. I don't really like Canadian teams, I made this clear, but I like the pedigree here. Trevor Davis, interesting player. This is a guy that recruiters seriously missed the boat on. Ended up on Carnegie Mellon, which is like telling someone to go start a basketball team in deep Texas. Now he's at Alberta. I have a hunch this team does very well. Don't ask me to explain it, it's like when you're watching the 1995 Mariners team. I loved that team. That team, you watched one game, you had a hunch they were going to come back and catch up to the Angels.

12. Harvard. Every time I look at Harvard, I think one thing, CHEATING. Now Colin, you say, that's not fair. But this is always going to be the big story behind Harvard. They could win the next five ACF Nationals tournaments and you're always going to think of them as cheaters. I'm not saying it's fair. This is just the world we live in, a media driven world where controversy rules the day. I like these kids, I think they're going to do well, but you tell me you look at a Harvard game and you don't think CHEATERS. And I say you're a liar if you don't.

11. NYU. I like this team. They're playing close to home. They have a strong grad student presence. They played very well at ICT. I'd like to see more intensity though. When was the last time Yogesh Raut really did anything? He wasted a lot of potentially good years fiddling around with grad programs that went nowhere. To me, that doesn't spell intensity for winning. You look at someone like Eric Mukherjee, who I believe let several patients at med school die in order to play ACF Regionals one year. That's dedication, that's winning. A long time away from the game for Yogesh? Not a big fan.

10. Minnesota. A one man team in the top ten? Pretty risky, but Andrew Hart's a guy who won the 2011 ICT. He has won multiple Chicago Opens. He has had strong finishes at many ICTs and ACF Nationals. He knows how to win. Look, folks, quizbowl is not dodgeball, you don't get an inherent benefit by having more people out there. Would you rather have one Andrew Hart or four Graham Moyers? I think the choice is obvious.

9. University of London: Everything I said above is true here. John Lawrence is a winner. A winner. He won back to back ACF Nationals, he won Chicago Open. The guy wins. I have him slightly over Andrew because he has won more recently. Quizbowl's a "what have you done for me lately?" type sport, so that's why I put John over Andrew.

8. Chicago A: Was there ever a team that choked more in quizbowl history than Chicago A at ICT? The Boston Strangler choked less than Chicago A at ICT. This team gets John Lawrence next year, which is great, because you finally get someone who knows how to win. I have this team at #8 just because of the talent, but this is like watching the Lakers, all this talent with no direction. Love all the players. Love them all as individuals. But who's the lead on this team? Who's grabbing the buzzer and making the big plays? Next year, it's John Lawrence. This year? Who knows.

7. Georgia Tech. This is a team that I think could realistically finish anywhere from #4 to #25. It's crazy, we don't really know how good this team is. That's what makes ACF Nationals exciting. It's like when I was a kid and I would go see the All-Star Games and I would finally get a chance to see Jim Rice play against Pedro Guerrero. Matchups that you didn't see everyday.

6. Maryland. A few years ago, Maryland had a great finish at ACF Nationals 2010 and looked poised to get better. Now they're in kind of a holding pattern. Why is that? Why do teams go into holding patterns like that, where they don't really get better? Part of it is I think lack of focus. Part of it is I think maybe insufficient training regimens. I don't really know what the deal is in Maryland. I talk to Chris Ray, I watch his games, he seems great. But they don't win as much as I think they should.

5. Illinois. Every year I would do a broadcast saying THIS IS ILLINOIS' YEAR, and every year they would lose and my producer would laugh at me and say "Colin, why do you keep picking Illinois?" Last year's ICT run was just to spite me because I again picked them and I thought they had a miracle run going and then they just got obliterated. So this year I'm not picking them. I'm not. I think this is Cosmic Karma, the universe might say "Now Illinois is going to win because you lacked faith," just like when I turned off the TV in 1986 before the Mets' comeback.

4. Michigan. We shouldn't really let Michigan off the hook when it comes to choking. Look, fellas, making top bracket at ICT is what good teams do every year, it's not something that you shouldn't blunder your way into accomplishing this year, call it a day, and then kick back and enjoy a non top five finish. This is a team that needs to impress me, impress its fan base, and impress its fans at ACF Nationals. There was a time when being a Michigan quizbowl fan was great. You saw the best players, the best moments, a really high tempo style of play. I loved Michigan quizbowl. I had the T-shirts, I own the DVDs. Now? I'm just hoping this top 4 finish doesn't look ridiculous.

3. Virginia. Now, Colin, you're saying. Third place, really? Look, I watched this team at ICT. They were good. But they could be better. What's happened here is I think a few reasons. This team is a bit psyched out. They haven't been able to beat Yale in a big game. Secondly, I think the cheating scandal takes away its luster. Everyone's talking about "Oh, Chicago's vindicated, Minnesota's vindicated," and Virginia looks like chumps. Finally, I think they rested their players too much down the stretch. Why was Matt Bollinger not playing so many tournaments? These are mistakes you can get away with on some levels, but I think it's going to bite them in the rear at Nats and result in a third place finish, really exposing the need for another scorer in the recruiting class.

2. Penn. Eric Mukherjee is the best quizbowl player in the game today. I'll say it. He's better than Matt Bollinger and Matt Jackson. Because he's a grad student. People can scoff at that and say "oh undergrads can be better than grad students." No, they can't. A midget is not going to be able to be a better dunker than a 7 foot tall guy. He may get in some good dunks. But he's not better on the whole. The reason why I can't put Penn #1 is not because they're a weak team, but Yale is just so much better.

1. Yale. Look, folks, Matt Jackson has won EVERY TITLE GAME HE'S BEEN A PART OF. If you looked up clutch in the dictionary, it'd have a picture of Matt Jackson. The guy just wins games. He doesn't post about it, he doesn't rant about it, he just goes out there and wins. He's not as good as Eric Mukherjee, he doesn't have the firepower that Virginia has, but he wins games. And that's what I want from my quizbowl team. I'll take the winning over the rap songs and the Youtube videos and the IRC mania any day. Winning.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by AKKOLADE »

Oh Colin.
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Re: ACF Nationals Predictions

Post by at your pleasure »

ed. note: These fragments of a omen text was recently discovered among a number of un-translated fragments from recent work at Chicagotepe. This text is preliminary; it is hoped that cataloging will uncover further fragments.
Tablet 1
[approx 12 lines missing]
If the eclipse on 15 Iyyar is clouded in the south-east and clear in the northwest: Disaster upon the land of Virginia; there will be no points in the land, they shall fall mightily, Yale will rule in the land.
If the eclipse is clear in the southeast and clouded [in the northeast]: Disaster upon the house of the lord of Yale; his house will fall, his throne will be seized, the army of Virginia will overrun his land like locusts.
If the eclipse is clear in the northwest and clouded in the northeast: Pennslyvania will venture forth,they will have many powers, the man of Kansas will be victorious over Yale and [rule the four] quarters.
If the eclipse is clear in the northeast and clouded in the southwest: Disaster upon the land of Illinois, their minds will dry up like Ea's springs in a drought.
If the eclipse is clear in the southwest and clouded in the northwest: The army of Illinois will smash Pennsyvania; the kings will not be reconciled.
[approx. 10 lines missing]

Tablet 2
[…]
If on 16 Iyyar the sun rises and there is a streak of red cloud in the north: Evil befalls Minnesota, Adad their rivers will flood, their weapons will break, the man of Yale will ruin their houses
If on 16 Iyyar the sun rises and there is a cloud in the southwest:[...][will take] take the hand of the king of Chicago; the king will depose Eric and be given lordship in the land
If on 16 Iyyar the sun rises and there is a spot in the center: Michigan will contend with Minnesota for lordship.
If on 16 Iyyar the sky is clouded over lightly: peace in the north, Albert and Ottawa will send messages of peace, their fields will prosper
If on 16 Iyyar the sky is cast iron: [London]… from across the sea [ rest of line broken]
If on 16 Iyyar there is a light rain: Rice shall prosper, its scribe will go forth gladly to the palace
If on 16 Iyyar there is a driving rain with thunder: [...KI] will inspire a confederation against itself
If on 16 Iyyar there is thunder without rain: The bow of Rutgers will break
If on 16 Iyyar there are fluffy clouds in the sky: The land will not prosper, there will be strife among Columbia and NYU.
[Line broken]
If on 16 Iyyar there is a hot wind from the south: É.SHAB.TUR.KI will regain its prosperity and rebuild its walls.
[remainder broken]
Douglas Graebner, Walt Whitman HS 10, Uchicago 14
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