YOU CANNOT DETERMINE OUR IDENTITIES
WE HAVE CLEVERLY DISGUISED OUR FACES TO REMOVE ALL DISTINGUISHING MARKS
WE COULD BE ANYONE
The control unit to your Anderson buzzer was left behind at ACF Nationals, and WE HAVE KIDNAPPED IT!
As you can see, it is impossible for you to determine where your buzzer is! Meet our demands or suffer the consequences!
Cower before our total disguising of our identities! You will never know who has your buzzer!
Your buzzer is in grave danger if we do not receive the ransom!
Do not try to track us down! We are impossible to find!
With ninja-like stealth we strike anonymously, capturing buzzers!
Are we your own friends or neighbors? Are we Chicago, Maryland, or Yale? You will never know!
As you can see, your buzzer is being kept in the most comfortable accommodations--FOR NOW.
OUR LOCATION IS UNDISCOVERABLE.
IT IS LIKE THE UNUNTIABLE TWINE EXCEPT INSTEAD OF UNTIABILITY THE ATTRIBUTE IN QUESTION IS DISCOVERABILITY.
There is not a shadow of a doubt that this buzzer is in our possession!
If our demands are not meant, I promise you that your buzzer will achieve quizbowl infamy when it is put in the cannon.
Knock, knock! We tried finding our ransom here but no one answered.
To prove we still have your buzzer alive and well, here is a picture of your buzzer with today's newspaper and a dime for scale.
You can move heaven and earth, but you will not get your buzzer back unless you pay!
As you can see, our identity is masterfully hidden and we have access to global transportation networks that we may use to evade the arm of the law.
I hope you have seen the futility of trying to determine where your buzzer is, when it could obviously be in any city in America!
OUR DEMANDS FOR THE SAFE RETURN OF YOUR BUZZER ARE AS FOLLOWS:
*The WUSTL team's shipping address
*$10 to cover the cost of shipping
WE WILL NOT COMPROMISE ON THESE DEMANDS! WE ARE DANGEROUS MEN!